Day 52: Michael K. Willams

I was completely stunned and gobsmacked by the unexpected passing of the brilliant character actor Michael K. Williams. Like everyone, I grew up watching his intense and memorizing and convincing performances both on the small screen and big screen including his unforgettable portrayal of the small time drug dealer Omar Little on the groundbreaking gritty crime drama The Wire. The show and the role itself changed the face of television forever because it brought cinematic quality and writing to prime time series that came after them and the sopranos. Thanks MKW for being a pioneer of that movement. Actors are getting more into TV because of what you guys have done. For that, we thank you. #blog #blogger #primetime #tv #television #hbo #blackcommunity #actorslife #blackactors #thewire #omarlittle #drama #thesopranos #michaelkwilliams #antihero #cinematic #pioneer #characteractor #baltimorecity #actors #qualitytelevision

Day 51: Playing it safe

One of the biggest mistakes I’ve made in my life to this day is not applying to myself as far as my potential is concerned. As a result of having low self esteem and merciful bullying and receiving no encouragement from teachers whatsoever, I decided not to give it all when it comes to my schoolwork and studies much to my parents chagrin. I also didn’t feel like going out with family to functions at times because I am a introvert at best. I never have done any big risks in my life because I fear it will only backfire due to my lack of confidence I have had during my school days. I switched majors from theatre to business because my family wanted me to do something that is stable and safe. Please don’t play it safe, try to do something you are not familiar and be multi disciplinary. I wished there was a voice back then telling me it’s not you, it’s them. Don’t listen to the naysayers. #blog #blogger #autism #autismawareness #playingitsafe #risks #amazingthings #fear #comfortzone #regrets #confidence #lowselfesteem #bullying #haters

Day 50: Turning 30

I have just turned 30 last week. As I start my third decade of my life on earth, I am reflecting back on what I went through during my 20s. During that time, I have mistakenly assumed once you’re technically adult you can no longer do what your parents tell you do. You do things your way from now. I was wrong about that. I have made a lot of impulsive decisions that upset people and family members alike. I had a tendency to snap whenever people tell me you’re this or that. I had a lot of downs than ups in my 20s. Granted, I now realized that I DON’T have the answers to everything in life like I naively thought I did and that’s why I learned the hard away to always listen whenever family tells you do what you said and nothing more and don’t act like their inferior just because you had more education than them. That’s the biggest lesson I learned in my 20s. Hopefully in my 30s, I will be emotionally mature, stress free, relaxed and more humble than I ever was in my 20s. #blog #blogger #20s #newdecade #30s #birthday #turning30 #family #lifelessons #behumble #behumbleandkind #conflict #transparent #autism #autismawareness #autismspeaks

Day 49: Stubborn

I have been told by the family many times that I’m the hard head in the family and just do something that without thinking long term about the aftermath and repercussions. For a long time, I have been very defensive over that label because that meant I was a bad person, a black sheep. Now in retrospect, I understand where they were coming from. Just because you’re technically an adult doesn’t you have the answers to everything. Only the parents does. I’ve been stubborn in my 20s about certain decisions that hurt my family in some degree and vice versa. When a parent tells you to do something, you do it. End of story. But if you’re stubborn about something that you’re extremely passionate about. Then there’s nothing wrong with that. But if it’s something your parents know best: don’t even thinking about doing something otherwise. You’re still young and naive and not emotionally mature about things than you thought you were. Lesson to everyone: it’s okay to be stubborn for something you strongly you believe in but don’t disregard what your parents are telling you what they strongly suggest is necessary. #stubborn #family #hardheaded #blacksheep #parents #impulse #impulsive #alwayslistening #listentoyourparents #worry #answers #decisions #blogger #blog #hardway #hardlessons #hardlessonlearned

Day 48 : Unspoken jealousy

For many years, my siblings were the golden children as far as grades go. I was just average at best when it came to school much to my parents’ headaches. Unconsciously, they kept praising them for laser sharp focus on their studies while I was not 110% in it because I disliked my major (DOR’s behest that I change it just FYI). As a result, while I was happy for their success, I was somewhat envious that they had it easier than I ever due to them not being autistic. I often sometimes have these fantasies that I was never autistic and not being impulsive and somewhat black sheep in the family and that I was treated as the same like my siblings. I never told people this because they would look at me like I’m nuts and ungrateful for everything. Which is not completely true. It’s like an emotional prison at times to be grateful for everything I had gotten. Which I’m truly I am. But it what it is. I’m just telling it like it is. Most people would feel the same feeling as well. It’s not my siblings’ fault that I feel this but still though I used to have those feelings for many years. #ungrateful #humble #blog #blogger #emotionalprison #grateful #blacksheep #autisticadults #autistic #jealousy #resentment #brutallyhonest #envy

Day 47: DMX

Yesterday, many of us were heartbroken about the passing of the gruff voice legendary MC DMX. We all wept including me because his music spoke to a generation of the voiceless. Prior to X, Hip hop was getting soft quite a bit and becoming about radio friendly records. Then X broke the ceiling down and brought the realism, angst, horror core, and grittiness back into the genre and people ate it up from the moment he came out with get at me dog, his debut single. His stories are vivid, heartbreaking, honest and poetic. His rap voice was one of a kind. His stamp on hip hop cannot be overstated. His well publicized struggles with addiction eventually took a toll on him and the people in the music industry did nothing to help him legitimately like health insurance and therapy. That shows how shady the music business can be at times. They only use for financial gain and nothing more. His music will forever be classic because it was authentic and didn’t sugarcoated anything what he was saying. That’s what missing nowadays not just in hip hop but in music period. God bless you Dark Man X.

Day 46: Carrying a Grudge

For nearly most of my youth and adolescence and early adult years, I held a grudge towards the people that done me wrong and tortured and belittled me into a weak, silenced human being who didn’t speak up and say what wants out of fear making me people upset with me. I let that anger consumed me as long as it and that cost me years of my life that I can’t get back. Even though I was finally free the crutches of those vile kids from public school for good, I was still emotionally bruised from all that pain and heart ache of the kids’s verbal, emotional, physical and mental abuse that I had endured. As a result, I swallowed my feelings, my aspirations and my need to open up to newer people. It took me a really, really long time to finally be comfortable with myself. I learned that holding a grudge against the ignorant people will only lead you to bad decisions after another. It will also affect your health in a lot of ways. Don’t carry your anger with you in the long run. While you can’t forget what you have gone through, just forgive and move on and the devil will be off your back for good and you’ll be an entirely new person after that. Life is too short for old grudges. #littlethings #happy #feelings #thoughts #happiness #grudge #anger #grudges #grudge #grudgeaesthetic #grudgeblog #grudgesarefortheweak #love #blogger #blog #lifeistooshort #forgiveandmoveon #forgiveness #bullies

Day 45: Age is nothing but a number

Day 45: Age is nothing but a number — For an extended time before I even technically turned 18 years old and officially became an adult, I had these dense, foolish, naive assumptions that once I’m an adult that my family will take a backseat when it comes to interfering with my life choices and decision making. However, as I grew emotionally mature and became more transparent, I eventually realized that is further from the truth. Just because you are technically becoming an adult doesn’t mean you have the answers to everything. You are still young and have this phase of rebellion and wanting to have freedom and start doing adult things that you’re not quite ready for yet. I learned that hard way during my 20s. I made a lot of missteps in my life that I can’t get back. I was stubborn, hard headed, quick tempered, single minded and very impulsive. It drove everyone crazy because I was only thinking about myself, not fully understanding empathy at all. In retrospect though, I wasn’t really a person in my teens and 20s. I was completely unsure of myself as a person. Just a performance of a person to everyone outside of the family. I was lying to them about things to make it look I was one of them not being true to myself and being truthful about my disability. I was not in fully acceptance. Age doesn’t mean anything actually. Only your character, integrity, being truthful and your actions are what matters the most only to you but your family, real friends and your future family. #blog #blogger #ageisjustanumber #growth #transparency #honesty #autismawareness #denial #dishonesty #family #ageisnothingbutanumber #ageisnoexcuse #baddecisions #autism #truefriends #lyingtoyourself #mistakes #dontlookback #20s #teens #youngadults #immaturity #maturity #youth #18

Day 44: Cicely Tyson

Yesterday, there was some unexpected news that legendary actress Cicely Tyson has passed away at the age of 96. Before there was Viola Davis, Vivica A Fox, Halle Berry, Kerry Washington and many more, there was Cicely Tyson and Dihanne Carroll that was dominating Hollywood during the golden era and segregated era. Before both of these ladies, Black actresses were required to pimps, hos, maids and housewives. Roles that considered to be one dimensional and standing by the male character counterpart. Cicely came along and changed all of that. No matter how many times she was told no, she insisted on tackling that were rich and complex like the male roles. Her trailblazing performances made a lasting impact not only on the black community but on Hollywood as well. The next generation of black actresses have followed her lead after that. She continued to dazzled the audiences for seven decades and had different fans from all ages and credences praising her work from different projects she’s done. Along with Dihanne Carroll, Cicely has transcended what black women are supposed to seen accurately on screen. We commend her for trailblazing performances for decades. Without her, 95% of the black actresses wouldn’t have the longevity like she and Dihanne. Rest on, Cicely. Job Well done. #roots #tylerperry #cicelytyson #movies #janepittman #tv #television #blackactress #oscars #films #blackactresses #trailblazer #pioneer #miniseries #emmys #pavingtheway #influencer #heroes #blackhistoryfacts

Day 43: Randall Pearson

Sterling K. Brown’s portrayal of Adopted son and brother Randall Pearson on NBC series This is Us has been the most accurate portrayal of a three dimensional African American man that I’ve seen for our generation in television let alone network television. I felt like I seen myself in Randall in a lot of ways when it comes to anxiety, not opening, impulsivity, pleasing others, being an outsider in the family, wanting to stand out. Obviously people including the audience have a tendency to label him as selfish, controlling and consuming things and not always likable. But actors are more drawn to characters let alone a series that not only speaks to them personally but also reflects what is really going in the families and society as a whole. I can relate to Randall because I felt the need to set my dreams aside because I felt it was right thing to do something practical ( but like him, I was wrong). I never expressed my vulnerability to anyone in the family because I was deeply ashamed ( it was a huge mistake ) I can emphasize with him when it comes to impulse. Sometimes you think rationally and don’t even think about the repercussions of your choices you make. That happens in all cases including me. Sure I don’t always agree with his choices that he makes but that’s part of the complexity of rich, flawed characters. So I commend SKB for embodying a character that is not only deeply human but also someone every brother see themselves off and on screen. #blog #blogger #sterlingkbrown #thisisus #nbc #skb #anxiety #panicattacks #actors #blackactors #inspiration #socialcues #impulse #threedimensional #acting #drama #complexcharacters #flawedcharacters #relatble #outsider #vulnerability #expressyourself #africanamerican #potrayals #mirroringlife #society #familydrama #tv #television #networktv #human